In an older post, I talked about the Sandwich Generation and how they are stuck in the middle of caring for their children and their aging parents (or other relatives).  In all this, we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves: physically, mentally and emotionally.  I spoke to Susan Smith a clinical therapist at Therapy Resources out of Omaha, Nebraska and she gave me some ideas on what to do for ourselves on the emotional front when it comes to dealing with our role as long term care provider:

LTCD: What are the emotions your clients deal with when they are the main caregiver in a sandwich situation?

SMITH: There are many emotions involved in situations like this and sometimes they overlap and are hard to sort through.  Some typical emotions are:

1.  Both grief and sadness that the loved one can no longer stay at home by themselves or that the loved one is aging.

2.  Guilt that they [the caregivers] can’t do everything themselves or the thought they’re no doing enough.

3.  Anger is one that pops up a lot in these situations.  Anger that they [the caregiver] have to take care of their loved one in the first place and then back to guilt for feeling the anger.  There can also be anger at siblings who second guess things (especially those who live far off and criticize from afar).  Anger at medical staff at hospitals, nursing homes or day care facilities who can’t  do anything to help heal the aging parent.  There can even be anger at God.

4.  Sometimes they [the caregivers] feel that they are being manipulated by the aging parent and that can cause anger as well.

5.  Then there can be the swirl of mental and physical tiredness matched with a feeling of being both overwhelmed and helpless.  These feelings can make it difficult to set aside time to deal with the other emotions [mentioned before] that are adding weight to these feelings.

LTCD:  How do you advise your clients to work with the emotions they feel?

SMITH:  They shouldn’t be afraid to talk them [the emotions and feelings] out with siblings, friends, or co-workers.  They might be surprised to find colleagues that are dealing with similar situations.  Also, they need to get plenty of exercise to make sure they are keeping themselves healthy and decreasing their stress levels. 

One of the best ways to deal with their care-giving situation is to journal.  It’s a great way to get some of these feelings “named.”  Or draw if they’d rather do that.  Journaling about better days in the past with their loved ones can also help relieve the helplessness that they now feel.

LTCD.  What can a client do when they struggle with emotions in the short term versus the long term?

SMITH:  Back to exercise to release stress, talk to hospital/nursing home social workers, attend support groups with others doing the same thing, and if there isn’t a support group, start one.  Like I said earlier, once they start talking about some of these issues, they will be surprised to hear of others with similar situations.

LTCD:  Any other general advice for taking care of yourself emotionally when you are stretched thin on caring for others?

SMITH:  Be realistic about what is possible and what is not.  And always the general advice when dealing with any stressful situation: pay attention to yourself first.  That means: eat right, exercise, get enough sleep, pray, meditate, practice mindfulness and prioritize.  Remember what’s important, what you can let slide and what you can hire to have done. 

Also, a few good articles on the web can be found at:

Learning to Handle Stress

11 Easy Ways to Handle Stress

Thank you Susan for giving us some ideas on how to take care of ourselves in a long term caregiver situation!

Anyone who has additional questions on this blog can feel free to post a comment or email me and I can forward them to Susan.